My memory of my day as a day-player on Law & Order
published in NYPress in 1996
Typecast
Mike the PA pages me to find out if I want to ride the courtesy van or if I can take the subway on my own. Even though taking the courtesy van means getting up at 5:15 AM and springing twenty bucks to take a car service to the van, I say yes. Because this is a luxury day and I refuse to settle for less than star treatment.
When I get out of the car, I see two guys with walkie-talkies and “Law and Order” baseball caps. They ask me my number and name. I say I don’t have a number and they ask if I’m an extra. I say, “I’m not sure. I have lines. But not many.”
“Then you’re a principal,” one of them up-talks. “Go to the courtesy van down the block.” They grin at each other snidely.
I wait inside the van for half an hour for all the other actors to show up. I introduce myself to one of the girls playing a hooker. But she’s not too social. She acts like this is Just Another Shoot, adjusts her pillow and goes to sleep.
The episode takes place at Columbia but we’re shooting it at Queens College because it’s cheaper to shoot there. When we get to the campus, a PA tells us to help ourselves to breakfast and then get back in the van. The breakfast isn’t bad. Oatmeal, bagels, doughnuts, coffee, tea, cold cereal, orange juice. I grab some of everything. I feel no shame in reaping them for all they’re worth because you never know the next time you’ll get a meal this good for free.
We enter the campus and stall behind a Lincoln Town. The door to the car opens and Jerry Orbach comes out and heads toward a PA in his slow hunched gait, sipping from a paper cup of coffee. He looks perfect with his hangdog eyes and that “I Love NY” coffee cup in his huge hand, wincing a little after each sip.
A PA shows me my dressing room. He apologizes that I can only get one channel on my TV, but I don’t mind. It is a room with a door and a bed and my character’s name is taped to the front. Myra.
An ugly girl name. A feminist name. The episode is called “Girlfriends.” It’s about a campus prostitution ring which gets busted when Briscoe and Curtis find out that the dead girl was one major professional. It turns out that Shelly, the dead girl’s friend, is running the ring with her dad, a shoe salesman, who uses the girls as perks for the out-of-town buyers.
At first, they think Shelly killed the girl because she was angry she was gonna quit the ring. Then we find out that Shelly’s father was boning the girl, so he might have offed her in a lovers’ spat. At the end, they arrest the dad and Shelly smiles evilly, like she is glad to see him get the rap for the crime she committed. My character is a campus anti-rape activist.
My agent submitted me for the head hooker but they thought I was more right for the activist. The audition was teeming with six-foot-tall model types with legs longer than my body wearing high black boots and short leather skirts. I dressed as butch as I could. Jeans, combat boots, boxy jacket. I actually considered trying to make myself look fatter, because I know exactly what they envision when they say feminist activist. But I figured you can never be too skinny for TV and plus I wanted to look like I was out for justice so I dressed in all black. It must have worked because after I booked it, the costume guy called me to say I should wear my own clothes to the shoot.
When I go into the wardrobe van to show what I’m wearing, they say I look perfect. Their only addition is a red armband which says “WAV, Women Against Violence.” The hair guy curls my hair like Annie. The makeup guy asks me who tweezes my eyebrows. I say Patricia Field and he shakes his head like that is a grave mistake. He demonstrates how to draw an imaginary line from the side of your nose up next to your eye and says that’s where you should tweeze to. Then he plucks the strays and fills it in with pencil so the curve is gradual instead of brutal. He whitens the circles under my eyes and glosses my chapped lips and I’m ready.
While I’m waiting for my call, I read Premiere in my dressing room and watch a soap. I write a letter and eat soup. I complain to Jackie, the other activist, about my agent making me lose weight but then still submitting me on fat Catholic school and homely funny girl roles.
There’s a knock at the door. A PA says they’re ready on set. I feel like vomiting.
Jackie and I walk up to the student activities building where they’ve set up a table that says “End violence to women” on a red and white banner. We’re told to wait inside the building and practice our lines.
We watch a van pull up and unload the lighting and sound equipment. A PA calls us outside and all of a sudden I’m face to face with Jerry Orbach. He shakes my cold hand with a gloved one and says, “I’m Jerry. You must be the feminazi.”
The director introduces himself and walks us through the moves. On my first line, I pick up a crate filled with fliers. The camera follows me to the table, where I put it down, cross around and pick up another crate, then cross to the other side of the table to say my last few lines.
There’s a crowd of students and extras watching as I fumble through the blocking. We rehearse it three times and I get it wrong a different way each time. But just as I think I’m getting the hang of it, the director says he wants to switch the positioning of the two cops and block the whole scene in reverse. So I run through it again and get it even more wrong.
I’m sweating and thinking how they’ll never hire me again and how my dreams of one day playing a perpetrator will soon be shattered, but Jerry smiles nice and this gives me faith. We do the first take. The director likes it, but wants me to pause before I say, “The cops wouldn’t do anything about rape if they did know,” so that the camera has time to pan to me. We shoot it again and Jerry thinks that one should be a wrap. But the director wants one more.
While we’re waiting for the crew to set up for the last take, Jerry says that stereotypes are a funny thing. Once, after a shoot in the West Village, he tells me, the cast and crew went to a lesbian bar nearby and the two women who ran it were cute as could be. He says they were such good-looking women that it wound up being an educational experience. I like Jerry.
We do the final take and break for lunch. I sit right next to Jerry and then Benjamin Bratt, the other cop, sits opposite me. I’m kind of attracted to Benjamin, but I know I can’t ask him out because it would be totally unprofessional and I don’t want to ruin my chances of getting cast again. After lunch, Jackie and I go back to our trailers, give back the armbands, and get in the van to Manhattan. The only disappointment of the day is that now I can’t be on for a year, even though I only had five lines. They do it so viewers don’t recognize actors from previous episodes.
Oh well. Maybe next year, when my hair’s longer and my ass tight and toned, my eyebrows perfectly plucked and my mustache hair waxed, and I’m going up against the next Winonas and Juliettes and Livs, they’ll cast me as a hooker.
With a hot girl name. Like Suzanne.
I’d get to cry fake tears on the witness stand and dress like a high class ho. I’d get big residuals. My name would be in the opening credits. And out of gratitude for their faith in me, I’d get custom T-shirts printed for my parents which said, “My daughter was a prime time prostitute and all I got was this lousy crop top.”
Posted by Amy on May 25, 2010
This Friday at 6 PM I will be in a discussion with Gary Shteyngart (Absurdistan) moderated by Josh Lambert at the 92 Y Tribeca. It’s called “New Perspectives on Jewish Writing.” You will have to come to find out what that means (as will I).
Here is the description from the site - “Join us for a fascinating reading, discussion and Q&A centered on the topic of contemporary Jewish writing. Acclaimed writers Gary Shteyngart (The Russian Debutante’s Handbook, Absurdistan) and Amy Sohn (Prospect Park West, Run Catch Kiss), along with moderator Joshua Lambert, will offer insights on the themes in their books and beyond including, humor, social status, New York neighborhoods, love and sex and more.
Following the panel discussion, join our featured authors Gary, Amy and Joshua for a festive Shabbat dinner. As we welcome in Shabbat, we’ll sample the delicious Shabbat cocktails and dine on the inventive cuisine and desserts of 92YTribeca Head Chef Russell Moss. Fueled by our festive Shabbat meal and the insights of our earlier discussion, the conversation and wine will be flowing!”
Tix are $12 for the talk and $38 if you stay for dinner afterward.
Click here to reserve.
Posted by Amy on Apr 07, 2010
I haven’t updated in a while - but wanted to let you know about a few events I’ll be doing soon.
On Wednesday, March 31 I will be the lunchtime speaker at the Motherhood Symposium, a daylong conference at the Graduate Center of CUNY, also known as the old B. Altman building. I will be speaking from 12-1 PM. This conference is FREE and lunch is FREE but you need to reserve. All info is here.
On Friday April 9, I’ll be appearing at the 92Y Tribeca with Gary Shteyngart, at 6:30. Space is extremely limited so reserve early. Info is here.
Finally, on May 4, the paperback of Prospect Park West will be coming out with Downtown Press. It has a fabulous cover with a model clearly based on me, due to her slender frame, blond hair, and virginal appearance. Seriously, though, the brownstone looks so much like my own it’s a little scary. You can buy a copy of the book here. There will be no paperback tour so if you haven’t heard me read, come to one of the two events above, or you can wait until June when I’ll read at probably the single most awesome event in which I will have participated: the P.S. 107 Readings on the Fourth Floor series.
Posted by Amy on Mar 16, 2010
This Thursday, January 28, at 7:30 PM I’ll be doing an event with GELF magazine called the Non-Motivational Speakers Series at a gallery in DUMBO, Brooklyn. Also appearing will be orthodox bike evangelist Baruch Herzfeld, de facto peacekeeper in Williamsburg’s longstanding Hipster-Hasid cold war; and Dr. Jay Parkinson, Brooklyn-based digital doctor and one of Esquire’s “Radicals and Rebels Who Are Changing the World.” Adam Rosen published an interview with me in conjunction with the event here.
Next Thursday, February 4 at 7:30 I will be reading from Prospect Park West at Fort Greene’s new Greenlight Bookstore. Looking forward to that.
Finally, yesterday I had a great time at the Six-Word Memoir event at the 92nd St. Y, with AJ Jacobs, Ben Yagoda, Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser. You can read people’s six-word memoirs on New York City living here.
See you soon,
Amy
Posted by Amy on Jan 25, 2010
So I don’t really love giving links to video of me not looking my best, but hey, the cooking vid is already out there. I recorded an interview at Brooklyn Independent Television with my good friend and fellow Brunonian Cynthia Hopkins, who you may know from her amazing one-woman shows at St. Ann’s Warehouse and her band Gloria Deluxe. Cindy and I have been friends for almost twenty years and though our work is very different we are great mutual admirers of each other. She used to play for Dan Zanes, I just checked Dan Zanes out at the Coop. Anyway, Cindy and I talked about solo work, dysfunction, Brooklyn, fiction, autobiography and nudity on this awesome TV show “Caught in the Act.”
My hair and makeup are terrible. I am proud to say that I have since thrown out the shirt I was wearing, am buying new cover-up, and have gotten my hair cut (though not re-colored).
For those who want to watch on TV, the show is on Time Warner 56 and Cablevision 69 every Monday & Wednesday at 2pm & 10pm until January 23rd. Go here to watch online, and click on the link on the right that says “Amy Sohn and Cynthia Hopkins.”
Hope everyone had a good holiday.
Posted by Amy on Jan 08, 2010
On Tuesday, December 8 I’ll be doing my last reading from Prospect Park West at Pen Parentis Literary Salon. This is a new series devoted to parents who are writers. It’s in a very cool hotel you must visit and of course all are welcome (not just parents). I’m reading with AMERICAN BABY author Sam Apple.
Upstairs Library of Libertine Restaurant
Gild Hall Hotel
15 Gold Street
Any train to Fulton Street
Tues., 12/8, 6-8 PM
Suggested donation: $20
There’s a new video up of me on TheAwl of a cooking show, “Cooking the Books” in which famed ex-Gawker writer Emily Gould and I cook Al Di La chef Anna Klinger’s malfatti. Emily was the subject and author of a NYTimes mag piece about the effect of living publicly and has a memoir coming out called And the Heart Says Whatever. I know what her advance was.
We had a great time cooking and it came out delicious (though she put in too much ricotta and felt the dumplings did not hold). Too bad we didn’t go out and buy wine till the end, it would have been more fun. Emily is charming and bright but I wish I had insisted on wearing my boots during the interview so she wouldn’t have towered over me - hard enough appearing, stylist-less, side by side to a dewy, yoga-teaching and childless 28-year-old! During our interview, I tried to terrify young Emily about the incredible responsibility of child-rearing by making it seem dark and terrible but I think she’s going to do it anyway. The malfatti connection to my novel Prospect Park West is that Al Di La is mentioned in it a few times, and of course is one of the Slope’s most famous and popular date-night spots.
Finally, a few words about foreign rights. So far Prospect Park West will be published in
Portugal
The Netherlands
Brazil
Serbia
Japan
Germany
I’ll post the covers when I get them!
Posted by Amy on Nov 24, 2009
Next week is a busy week for PPW readings and my last week of promotion for the novel for some time - wanted to tell you about them here.
Saturday, 11/14/09 @ 2-3 PM
Signing at Barnes & Noble Park Slope
267 7th Avenue in Park Slope, Brooklyn
Since I could not read at BN PS due to my reading at BN Tribeca instead, this will be my only appearance at my local superstore, unless I do something for the paperback in the late spring.
Come by and say hi even if you already have a book. Great way to break the Saturday afternoon doldrums.
Monday, 11/16/09 @ 8 PM
Franklin Park Reading Series
curated by Penina Roth
with Said Sayrafiezadeh (When Skateboards Will Be Free), Lianne Stokes, and Jobie Hughes (I Am Number Four, Agony at Dawn)
Franklin Park, 618 St. Johns Place, Crown Heights, Brooklyn
This is a really cool bar in Crown Heights known for its mix of Hasidic hipsters, hipsters, and West Indians. Penina Roth, who hosts it, is my first superfrum friend. She came to my Bookcourt reading and after realizing she was wearing a wig I told her I used to wear wigs too, to the Brooklyn Inn, to freak people out. She wears hers in a different way. Anyway, Penina wrote an article for the Times about the bar (under her byline Paula Roth). It’s here. Also very excited to be reading with my buddy Said, who read at the Authors for Obama benefit I coordinated a year ago, and with Jobie Hughes, who is some sort of Young Adult fiction superstar, and Lianne Stokes.
Thursday, 11/19/09, 7:30 PM-9 PM
Reading and signing plus special shopping discounts and giveaways at
Diana Kane
229b Fifth Avenue, between President and Carroll in Brooklyn, NY
OK, so Diana Kane is the most awesome boutique in the Slope, with a mix of jewelry and party dresses, handbags and some shoes. One of my first mom friends in the neighborhood, Erika, used to shop there when her daughter was a few months old to help her mood. Later she realized the better way to help her mood was to leave the baby’s daddy, which she eventually did. Anyway, Erika inspired the dialogue in the book where Lizzie and Rebecca are talking about buying clothing while taking care of kids and I imagine Rebecca being a frequent Diana Kane shopper. I got my fave bikini there in the spring half off and then spotted it in the movie Couples Retreat. I’ve gotten Petit Bateau tops, undies and lingerie there too, and they have a great collection of Steven Alan shirts. I love his shirts and am wearing one in my book jacket photo.
There will be free wine donated by Picada y Vino, best liquor store in the Slope. Bring your buddies and have fun. Guys welcome too!
Posted by Amy on Nov 13, 2009
I am looking forward to the Brooklyn Writers Space reading series tomorrow, at 5 PM. I’ve been a member since 2002 or 2003, which makes me one of the senior people there. The reading is at the Brooklyn Artists Gym, with Joshua Henkin, Sue Scarlett Montgomery, and Nancy Jacobs.
Sunday Nov 8th @ 5pm
168 7th Street, 3rd Floor (btw 2nd Ave and 3rd Ave)
Refreshments and a crunchy snack
Today was a great reading at boing, the satellite space of maternity store Boing Boing. I had a great time reading for the moms, dads, and kids. The store has a bunch of books if you want to buy it there while you pick up your alcohol-in-breast-milk detector. Seventh Ave south of 16th Street.
Next Saturday at 2 PM I’m signing (not reading) at B & N Park Slope. Should be fun!
Posted by Amy on Nov 07, 2009
I have a piece up on iVillage today about the Baby Einstein refunds. Please tell your friends about it.
Two new articles about PPW came out this week - one in The Guardian (UK) and one in the Park Slope Food Coop newspaper, The Linewaiter’s Gazette. If you are a member of the PSFC, you can now buy PPW at 40% off retail. I believe all copies have sold out but they will be ordering more!
This Sunday I will read at Sunny’s in Red Hook, where I have taken many men in the first false weeks of infatuation on summer nights.
11/1/09 @ 3 PM
Sunday at Sunny’s Reading Series
253 Conover St. in Red Hook, Brooklyn
with Megan Abbott (Bury Me Deep, Queenpin) and Reed Farrel Coleman (Empty Ever After, Tower)
Leave extra time to get there as it’s the Marathon!
Posted by Amy on Oct 24, 2009
I am so excited because this Thursday 10/22 at 7:30 I get to read with the hilarious Julie Klam (PLEASE EXCUSE MY DAUGHTER) at Pete’s Candy Store, where I believe I first read (from Run Catch Kiss) in 2001, before the series was as famous as it is now. At that reading a writer named Arthur Bradford put a guitar through the wall. This would have been less upsetting if the space were not so beautiful, like a box car where you’re going to meet the love of your life. It was designed by Pete’s owner and set designer Andy McDowell and Ryan McFaul. Would you put a guitar through a wall in a room that looked like this?
Arthur seemed to regret it, later saying in an interview, “I did have one really stupid incident where I knocked a hole in the wall of a nice club. I felt so dumb about that. The owner was appalled. He said, ‘I don’t understand why you did that.’ I had no excuse. It was stupid. Since then I’ve learned it’s not always appropriate to break a guitar.”
Anyway, enough about Arthur! Now, Julie Klam. Julie and I are Twitter buddies (@julieklam) and friends but have never met. I am honored to read with her. She is very famous for her brilliant Facebook status updates and was profiled about them in the New York Times Magazine, where she was referred to as “Julie.” I am also excited because Pete’s Candy Store is name-checked in PROSPECT PARK WEST - it is where Lizzie and her husband Jay first met.
Thursday, October 22, 7:30 PM
Pete’s Candy Store Reading Series
Hosted by Mira Jacob and Alison Hart
709 Lorimer St. (Richardson/Frost) in Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Directions here
Posted by Amy on Oct 20, 2009
